Still My Heart This Moment
by Mia-Zeklos
Summary: In the last battle of his life, Alec meets the only person he wishes to see no matter what.


**Author's note: I'm sorry for everyone who subscribed to me in hope of the Sunday date and got this instead. But I actually cried while I wrote it and... I don't know. It's rather short but it just felt right to post it.**

**The song is Lamb by Gorecki and I suggest listening to it while reading, because I'm not sure it'll make any sense otherwise.**

**Anyway. Reviews are always appreciated and I hope you enjoy the story.**

_If I should die this very moment__, I wouldn't fear__  
For I've never known completeness like being here__  
Wrapped in the warmth of you, loving every breath of you__  
Still my heart this moment__or it might burst_

Alec had never expected it to be all so clear.

Even his memory was better than before. He could remember the battle, the fighting Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, united for once, Sebastian and his army. The woman with the fair hair and dark eyes that had attacked him while he had been distracted. It was all so very, very clear.

And it wasn't just that. There was no pain. Even the pain had gone away, just like everything and everyone else. Not that he blamed them. No one had seen what happened; nobody knew, except maybe Jace, and he had to keep fighting. If there was something Alec was sure of, it was that everyone had to keep fighting, or nothing would be worth it all.

The Shadowhunter's thoughts seemed brighter than before; he felt as if he was seeing himself from somewhere far away. He had been stabbed with some kind of a seraph blade – probably working with some demon magic since the dark Shadowhunters couldn't use actual seraph blades anymore. Yes, the wound was fatal. No, there was nothing he could do. He had about five minutes, give it or take it a few.

Alec wasn't scared. He was a Shadowhunter; it was an honor to die like a hero, in a battle. Everything in his life had led to this. He wasn't worried about anything that might wait for him on the other side – it didn't matter. He just wished to tell his brother and sister to take care of themselves now that he wouldn't be around to do it for them. He almost wished to see Magnus as well, but then stopped the thought where it was. He didn't want to look at the Warlock and see the disappointment and the pain in his eyes ever again. He would prefer to die without having to go through that and maybe, just maybe, Magnus would eventually forgive him. And maybe, just maybe, Alec would be on a place that would allow him to see it happen.

And, as he looked around, still stunned by the sudden _clarity_ of it all – how the sky was bluer than ever and the grass seemed to smell stronger and the sunset was brighter than anything he had seen in his life – Alec saw someone leaning above him, shadowing his view.

He took a deep breath and felt everything inside him ache in the movement as he locked his eyes with an entirely too familiar pair of green and gold. There had been time when he could get lost in those eyes and could stare into them, trying to understand where exactly one colour and shade ended and where the other began. He was mildly surprised that there was no anger in them – just endless concern and pain.

Not for the first time, those breathtaking eyes looked slightly out of place on such a young face and usually Alec could see the whole world in them, but now he could see only his own reflection. In a last moment of what was probably selfishness, he found himself enjoying the fact that at this moment, he was the only thing that mattered.

"Magnus." He breathed.

There was nothing else he could make himself say, and there was so much. So many things he had in mind; so many things that he needed the Warlock to hear before he was ready to go. But the only thing that he actually managed was his name.

"I'm here." Magnus's voice was trembling, but his hands were surprisingly steady as he cut the armor Alec wore and saw the wound. "I'm here, Alec, it's all going to be all right. You'll be okay."

_It doesn't matter_, he wanted to say, but he could force any sound out. _It's already all right. I found you._

He said it to himself like a prayer as he saw hope leaving Magnus's eyes and tried to press closer to him, bathed in that familiar warmth that he had missed so much. Words didn't matter at this point, he realised; Magnus knew everything that overwhelmed him right now. Alec had never expected that he could _feel _so much; he almost could take it.

And suddenly, nothing hurt at all anymore.

_Could we stay right here__  
Until the end of time, until the earth stops turning__  
Wanna love you until the seas run dry__  
I've found the one I've waited for_

Alec didn't answer and for one long, terrifying moment, Magnus thought that it was over. But the Shadowhunter just came closer to him – the Warlock couldn't imagine how much pain the simple movement might have caused – and even smiled. As if he didn't know that he had minutes left or that the way he was injured was beyond any healing.

But he knew. He knew it perfectly well, and he was so calm, so peaceful.

If that was a way to go, then Magnus wanted it too. Right now, he wanted it so desperately.

And, as if he had read his thoughts, Alec suddenly clung to him, still surprisingly strong, his eyes determined and full of something the Warlock couldn't give a name to.

"Don't you dare." The Shadowhunter hissed; his grip firmer than before. "Don't you dare."

"I won't." Magnus promised. There were a lot of ways one could help, and if talking was the way to help Alec right now, then be it. "I'll be safe, Alec. I promise."

That smile returned again, even calmer now.

"Then you're right." The boy murmured. "Everything will be all right."

"Don't go yet." Even in his own ears, Magnus sounded as a scared child that had been left alone in the dead of night. It was too soon. He had never imagined that it would end like this. At first, he hadn't imagined that it would end at all, but later, when he had thought about it, he thought about spending a lifetime with Alec. Even if it would be just a few decades, it would mean the world – and more – to him.

And, in that moment, he knew that he would sacrifice everything – anything – to have just a few more seconds with Alec. The change was sudden and cruel and he hadn't seen it coming.

He had seen Alec so many times – laughing and breathing and just looking at him in that piercing way of his – that it seemed surreal to think of him dying. It was hard to imagine that someone so _alive_ could actually be dead.

But there was no going back now; Magnus could tell. He had seen so many people die through the years that he could recognise the sign that death put in a person's eyes when there was so little time left.

"Magnus." The Shadowhunter's voice was laced with worry, as if he had too much to say and couldn't bear it – which wouldn't be something untypical for him, the Warlock thought fondly. "I– I want you to know–"

"I know." Magnus assured him hastily. "I know. It's all right, Alec, you don't need to say anything."

"Then you do it." Alec said with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"What– What do you want me to say?" Magnus suddenly felt helpless. After a lifetime of talking his way out of trouble and talking the same way into everything he felt like, he couldn't think of anything when it mattered more than ever.

"I don't know. I just want to hear your voice." Alec murmured; his voice even weaker than before. "Just to know you're still here."

"I'm here." Magnus said reassuringly, tightening his grip around the boy like his life depended on it. It sure felt like it actually did. "I'm here. I won't leave you, Alec, I'm here..."

He repeated it until there was no one left to hear him.


End file.
